Rules to Better Giving and Taking Feedback

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  1. Do you know how to take feedback/criticism (even if it’s not your fault)?

    ​​​​​In any job, you will most likely at some point face some criticism. Someone may be telling you that you’ve done something wrong or just expressing displeasure because you didn’t do something they wanted.

    The best way to take this is to reply to the person, and tell them the following 3 things:

    1. Apologize if it was your fault, or explain if it wasn't, but then do the next 2 steps regardless...
    2. Show that you've fixed th​e problem (if possible)
    3. Explain what system you've put in place to ensure that the same issue won't happen again

    Even if you've been wrongly accused of something, you should still do steps 2 and 3, as it shows great initiative. Always have a view to the future and the big picture.

    dilbert-criticism-1.gif

    Figure: make sure you know how to take criticism well
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  2. Do you know that it's bad to win the fight, but lose the customer?

    ​​​​The impulse to win an argument and prove that you are right can be a strong driving force, but it's important not to let it take priority over keeping a good client. 

    If the client is unhappy or upset, it's more important to show empathy and demonstrate that you understand your client's point of view, as it is more likely to win you future work.

    Make sure you start a reply to an angry client with something like "I understand your frustration, and I think I can stop this happening again".

    At this point in time, you want to aim for a compromise, where each party meets the other somewhere in the middle.

  3. Do you know not to assume the worst of peoples intentions?

    ​​Don’t start thinking that some conspiracy is beg\hind someone's actions.

    American writer William James (born 1842) said:

    "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity"



    Brian Harry (in 2018) said something similar in Giving feedback:

    "I’ve observed that humans have an inherent tendency to want to ascribe motive – to determine why someone did something."



    “Joe left me out of that important conversation because he was trying to undermine me.”

    Bad example 

    Any time you find yourself filling in the because clause, stop. You don't know why someone does anything. That is locked up securely in their head. When filling in that blank people insert some negative reason that's worse than reality. So, when giving feedback, stick to what you can see. 

    “Joe, you left me out of that important conversion.  I felt undermined by that.  Why did you do it?”

    ​Good example​

    In this example, I articulate exactly what I saw happen, how it made me feel and ask Joe to explain to me why. Joe may dispute that he left me out – that's fairly factual and we can discuss evidence and Joe can't dispute how I felt, at least not credibly. Try as hard as you can to stick to things you personally observed and stay away from asserting motive. Have a genuine conversation designed to help you better understand each other’s perspective and what each of you can do better in the future.

  4. Taking feedback - Do you avoid chopping down every example?

    Brian Harry said in his blog : ​

    ​"​​Examples – When giving feedback, it’s often useful to use examples. Examples help make the feedback concrete. But, don’t allow the conversation to turn into a refutation of every example. I've been in conversations where the person I'm talking with wants to go through every example I have and explain why my interpretation is wrong. Be open to being wrong but don’t let it turn into point/counterpoint. Examples are only examples to support your feedback.​"

  5. Do you do a retro?

    Scrum processes are useful for more than just software development - it’s a great tool for organizing and optimizing all kinds of work, from presentations to meetings to events, sales, and more. The guys at SSW jokingly say, "you can't eat dinner with Adam Cogan without a retro about the meal and restaurant".

    You should get into the practice of having a retro for most tasks. It’s a great way to get feedback while it’s still fresh in people’s minds, and it lets you know what you need to change to be even more successful next time.

    Kicking it off

    Let everyone know from the start that we do a “retro”, and what it entails (see the rule, Do you know what happens during a Sprint Retrospective Meeting?). This way, they will know to be mindful during the event/task/presentation and maybe even take notes.
    Then at the end, remind people, “In the spirit of Scrum, let’s do a retro.”
     
    Start with “What went well?” - everyone must say one thing.
    Then move onto, “What didn’t go so well?” This part can be painful but it’s important - we need to know these things so that we can make improvements.
    Finally, we ask, “What could we do differently next time?”

    Adam: How was the presentation?
    Eddie: Yeah, it was alright.

    Bad example: This line of questioning doesn’t provide useful feedback​

    Adam: What went well with your presentation?
    Eddie: People seemed to really relate to the case studies I presented.
    Adam: What didn’t go so well?
    Eddie: My demo didn’t work. That was really embarrassing.
    Adam: What would you do differently next time?
    Eddie: I’d definitely get there a bit earlier so I’d have time to troubleshoot that pesky demo on their wifi! That would also give me extra time to talk to the audience so I could find out what problems they’re hoping to solve with my session - it’s a good way to get more case studies!

    Good example: The 3 magic questions got a lot more detail and the beginnings of a plan for next time


    Read more about Do you do a retro?
  6. Do you avoid swearing at work?

    ​​Swearing is not acceptable at work. People should not get comfortable with bad language as the work environment would suffer. You should be especially careful when giving and receiving feedback.​​

    Some good deterrents are:​

    • A swear jar
    • To enforce 10 push-ups for every infraction ​(recommended). ​
      This is the same concept as a swear jar but also promotes fitness.​
    GORDON-RAMSAY.jpg
    Figure: Gordon Ramsay - The only man who​ can ​​​​get away with professional swearing
  7. Do you know to create a safe space instead of jumping into feedback?

    One of the biggest mistakes people make when giving feedback is giving it when one or the other is stressed, angry, frustrated, or in a hurry – and this is one of the worst times to give feedback because people aren’t in a place to hear it and really think about it. Make sure the recipient of the feedback is in a safe space and prepared to take the feedback, rather than just rattling off everything that’s on your chest the moment you next speak to them. 

    ​Giving feedback should be done in a safe space, so as not to seem like you are directly attacking the feedback recipient. The way you word and give feedback is important and should be considered. 

    Consider starting with the following:

    "Hey, can I share something with you?"

    "Hey, have you got time now for a retro?"

    Then start with the good… before the bad.

    Brian Harry said in his blog​​:

    "​Don’t try to give feedback when you are angry or frustrated. Take the time to digest what you need to say – to separate your frustration from an objective assessment of what happened. Have a calm conversation about what you observed and what could be done differently.​"​​

  8. Do you offer specific feedback?

    Every day you will probably come across something that could be improved. If you're not making improvements, you're going backwards. But don't make suggestions or criticisms without being specific.

    "Do you know our sales process is pretty bad, what are you going to do about it?"

    Figure: Bad Example - Nonspecific criticism

    When you find a problem, pinpoint it directly (and recommend a solution):

    "The current sales process is pretty bad. It does not ensure that a prospect is followed up by a phone call within 7 days of an initial meeting. Please create a workflow in CRM, have it tested by the sales manager, and then we will email the sales team to inform them about the improvement."

    Figure: Good Example - Offering criticism in this way ensures that something will happen to fix the problem

    "Not done, please try again"

    Figure: Bad Example - If they don't immediately know what to fix, this might end up in their "too hard" bucket and never get done"

    "Not done, you missed the second requirement"

    The specific missed requirement lets them quickly fix the mistake

    Of course, there are times that you can 'feel' that a problem exists, but you may not even be sure how are unable to pinpoint it or can't think of a good solution. In this instance you should speak to someone who you think may be able to identify a solution, come to an agreement, and then request that action be taken.​

    When criticism is generic, it is impossible to know what to fix.

  9. Do you follow the sandwich rule?

    The sandwich rule approach is an effective way to provide feedback to other team members and clients.

    1. Start with positive feedback
    2. Give your recommendations for improvement
    3. End with some additional positive feedback (you may repeat #1)

    This optimistic approach allows you to maintain a healthy relationship with your team members and clients.

    criticize-behavior-not-person.gif 

    Figure: What not to do​​​​

  10. Speaking - Do you speak in a positive language to clients?

    A sentence can be phrased in many ways. It is important to use positive language when speaking to clients. Instead of saying "I will NOT do X until you do Y", you can say "When you do Y, I will be happy to do X". ​

    We will need your agreement on the mockup, and as soon as you are happy with it, we will develop it to the agreed mockup. We will not be able to change the mockup once made and you are happy with it.

    Bad example

    We will develop the report once you are happy with and have signed off the mockup.​​

    Good example​​
  11. Do you know the nice way to correct someone?

    ​When you notice that someone has done something that could have been done better, make sure you are tactful in your correction/suggestions. When you are giving someone a correction or tip, try to include an URL to back up your point.

    For example, if someone sends you an email like that:

    Subject: Meeting

    Hi Guys,

    Let's meet on Thursday at 3 PM

    Figure: Someone requests a meeting

    ​​

    You could reply in different ways:

    Subject: RE: Meeting

    Hi Mary,

    FYI - an appointment would have been better. See rule #48 in Rules to better Email

    Figure: Bad Example

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    Subject RE: Meeting

    Hi Mary,

    I noticed you did not send an appointment for this meeting. I hope you don't mind, but I have gone ahead and created one so we don't all have to create one individually.
    We have a number of helpful standards like this which you can have a look at in our Rules to better Email if you're interested.

    Figure: Good Example
  12. Do you know that people misunderstand sarcasm in email?

    From Flame emails missing the mark on the Sydney Morning Herald: "The senders of the [email] messages expected their partners to correctly interpret their tone nearly 80% of the time, but in fact, they only scored just over 50%... Those attempting to interpret the message believed they had scored 90% accuracy".

    Because there is no "tone of voice" in an email, sarcasm can easily be misinterpreted by the receiver.

    "John, make sure your office is clean when clients come in - you might scare them away with all that mess."​​

    Bad example: This is bad because it may seem like John is being reprimanded, even though the sender may just be giving him a "heads up" for next time

    "John, make sure your office is clean when clients come in - you might scare them away with all that mess :)"​

    Good example: When in doubt, use a smiley face at the end of the comment to soften it up a bit
  13. Do you sometimes use ‘off the record’ conversations?

    Usually, when you notice some undesirable behaviour, you would generally give feedback directly, but sometimes there is a better way that can train both the person and also their direct manager:​

    You can ask a manager for an "off the record" conversation where you can tell them something you have observed about the person they're managing and suggest that, if they agree, can they say something to the person? 

    This teaches the manager to observe these things and also helps the employee not to look bad (or get in trouble) from the boss. Then when/if the employee takes the feedback and it results in better actions in the next meeting, then you can compliment them publicly in the retro.

  14. Do you do monthly peer evaluations?

    Encouraging your team to evaluate their peers is a proven method to improve working environment and productivity.​

    All peers that worked together should evaluate each other by filling the Peer Evaluation Email every month.

    The evaluation is done by giving constructive comments in “Start, Stop, Continue”
    e.g. (Start...) checking in with better comments  
    e.g. (Stop...) coding without a user story​  
    e.g. (Continue...) with your helpful SEO comments

    PeerEvaluation.png

    Figure: Example email​​